i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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