listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
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