My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
