speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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