dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
