I will die if light touches me.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
