i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize