Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
