i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
