You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
