Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Two words: nipple clamps
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