I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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