k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
