is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize