I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize