So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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