Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
