So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
