just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Randomize
