I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
