holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
