Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
