and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize