I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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