I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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