need another drink. this is the easiest way
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
