i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
