Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
