I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
