3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize