can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
