it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
