The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
