Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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