Are we in a gay sports bar?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
