Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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