Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
