We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
A bitchslap is in order.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
