there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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