Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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