just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
