never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
