I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize