five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
