he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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