38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
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