Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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