I think im going to throw up on grandma
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
