I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
My vagina is officially offended.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize