So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Actions speak louder than pants.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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