can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Randomize