You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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