turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
