I don't think brook has ever known best
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
