This is not my ceiling
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
