I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
