i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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