The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
