He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
