so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
