she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
