I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
