walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Randomize
