I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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