people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
