I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
