great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
