i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
it glows. i had to have it.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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