you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
