I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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