They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
