gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
