I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize