I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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