Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
