Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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