I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
