I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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