He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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