Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
