You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
