Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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